*icon is not related to rant BTW, however rant does apply to all fandoms*

Yes, YMMV and all that, but dear writer, I would sincerly do not want to read anything that has "So and So run over by a reindeer."

I would most sincerly not see "So and So run over by a reindeer to the tune of Rudolph the Red - Nosed Reindeer" as the fricking title!

No love,
Me.

Listen, when you're going to write a Law & Order: SVU fic that involves one of the squad members raping someone, you better have one hell of an explanation for it (because, as we all know, anything can be written well by a good author, and this would actually be a pretty interesting thing to be seen dealt with by a good writer).

I don't care if it's Benson, Stabler, Munch, Fin, the Captain, Cassidy, Jefferies, etc, or Alex, Casey, Warner, Huang, etc etc etc: you're going to have to give me a good reason as to why they're doing it, and, if they're actually enjoying doing it, a great one for that as well.

( I have true examples of explanations you should not use - two concrete ones )

Also, on a related note: none of them will not do anything if they know someone is being or has been raped or abused in any way, unless there is something actually stopping them from doing so (like being strapped in a chair with no way of getting loose and blindfolded, gagged and kept in the dark in a place far away from any civilization with no way of knowing where they are).

Instead of posting 'fic ideas' why not just post an actual fanfic instead and leave your reflection for a blog?

(I so need a shocked icon better than this one...)

Writer,
( Cut for talk of rape )

Ladies and gentlemen! I would like to take a moment to talk about breasts, and ways to describe them.

( If you would kindly follow me... )

tl;dr Learn how bra works, don't describe things with them.

Thank you, and good night.

I decided to find some Friends fic after not reading it for a long time. What I found didn't make me happy.

Yes, it's true that Ross loves Rachel, and that the two are lobsters. He also freaked out when he walked in on Joey and Rachel kissing.

However, he isn't going to try and kill himself just because he walked in on said kiss. He has Ben, Emma, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe to get him through this.

When Rachel rejected him at the airport in the series finale, all Ross did was go home depressed.

And if Ross tried to jump off the balcony in front of Monica, why would she let him leave her apartment just so he could end up getting him (on purpose?) by a car? That seems kinda stupid on Monica's part.

Edit: Fixed a formatting issue.

Dear Author,

When I see A/B, C/D, E/F, G/H pairings all in the same fic header, I am truly perplexed by this apparent compulsion of yours to pair up everybody in a short fic. It may be YMMV, but when I see something like that, I get the feeling that the latter 3 pairings are either just window dressing or distractions from the main A/B pairing.

Not everybody in the world is gay. And even if they were, they probably wouldn't automatically hook up so neatly and conveniently. Same applies to het and femmeslash.

You don't have to pair up everybody else just because A and B are doing it. Really. You don't.

Sigh,
Me

ETA: I'm just going to link calenlily's comment since she explained my discomfort so much better than I could. :)

Ten sex rants from various fandoms, in no particular order.

( Cut for sexual references and some headdesk moments. )

Edited to fix the TEXT BLOCK OF DOOM.

Not a rant, more of a confuzzlement-ant.

I don't get it, big guy. You wrote a derivative work without permission and posted it on the Internet where people loved and adored it. You are a smokin' writer. Someone loved the idea, and, with your permission, wrote a derivative work of your derivative work (of which you had no permission to write and post on the Internet). Your idea catches on (cause seriously, werewolves are not that original, even if your name for them is). Fastforward a couple of years. You decide to remove your derivative work for reasons you keep to yourself, and then demand that everyone take down their derivative works of your derivative work because you have just rescinded permission.

Um. What? Why is it okay for people to post derivative works willy-nilly without permission, but it's not okay for people to post derivative works of derivative works without permission? Hold up the Harry Potter fandom as an example. JK Rowling specifically denied permission for NC-17 ficcage because she didn't want some hapless kid to google Harry and stumble into a porno shop, but please, fanfic away more kid-friendly stuff to your heart's content. If this has changed since I last looked a year or more ago, then I'm very mistaken. (Not to mention, MPRA explicitly denied permission to use their trademarked rating system). But people do it anyway, and it's okay. But if someone uses someone else's idea in fic or universe without asking, even if they acknowledge and disclaimer, it's wrong.

I'm not feeling angry, ranty, mad, or complainy. I'm just very confused. Why is it this way?

ETA Thanks for responding. It's helpful. :)

Dear fanfic writers everywhere,

Not everyone will call their significant other pet names like "Honey", "Dear", "Sweetheart", and "Darling". Some people won't even use pet names at all. Others will only use them when they're mocking or teasing their other (and sometimes better) half. A few will try to use them, feel ridiculous, and cut themselves off halfway through.

So please, for the love of whatever god you believe in, actually put some thought into those loving scenes between your favorite pairings.

Vonnix.

"Hey guys! I don't own anyone in this story except my OC. Trust me, she's great. You'll love her! If you have any questions about her or want to know more about her then please PM me! I'll write a summary about her in a later chapter. But please don't steal her for your own story. If you do, I'll know about it! LOL! But seriously don't steal her. I'm very proud of her and don't want to see her in anyone else's hands. LOL"


Okay, so there's nothing neccessarily wrong with your OC, author. She isn't a Sue and she helps carry the story along. But you really need to tone down your appreciation of her. It's starting to get in the way of the story.

I mean, do you really need to tell us in EVERY chapter how great you think she is?
And do you really need to keep warning readers not to steal her for their own work?

You wrote in chapter 1's disclaimer how much you loved her and how you didn't want anybody stealing her, then you wrote a similar thing in the A/N at the end of the chapter. Fair enough, that should be the end of it, right?
But instead of writing a chapter 2, you decided to write an A/N consisting of your OC's life story, which was longer than the first chapter itself and had no relevance to the fic's plot at all.
Then in chapter 3 you continued the story...after writing YET ANOTHER paragraph on how great you thought your OC was and how you didn't want readers to steal her.
Then you broke up the next few chapters with A/N's in the middle of the story (a big no-no in itself) with small notes like: "Remember to PM me if you want to find out more about my OC!"

What the hell, author? Your story was well-written, interesting and the characters were IC. And your OC isn't that bad either, even if her role in the story is rather generic and has been done numerous times in other fics in this fandom. So why-oh-why are you destroying your fic with your strange obsession with your own OC? :(

Sincerely,

A very disappointed reader

From the same fic, some ymmv:

Dr. Spencer Reid would not break down crying in Hotch's arms if he had to shoot an UnSub to save said unit chief's life. He's done it before and he didn't cry the first time. Hell, we've only even seen it implied that Reid cried, let alone actually shown, a couple of times over the course of the entire series.

Further, he would not apologize to Hotch for shooting a man who was about to kill him.

Unless this is taking place prior to 3x02, Hotch no longer lives in the house he shared with Haley. Considering who got shot (name avoided for spoiler reasons), I'd hope it's not before then.

Healing sex is... no. Just no.

This is far from the first near-death experience any of the team has faced. Though it may be the most invasive, in that the UnSub came into Hotch's home, I somehow doubt he would spend more than a day dwelling on the fact that he was almost shot, when in the end, he wasn't even injured.

Good H/R fic is so hard to find. :\

We know the characters you're AUing are in their twenties and one is about four years older than the other. Thing is, though, the characters don't know this about each other. In fact, one character spends most of this particular fic not knowing his own name, never mind his own age. So describing these two as 'the older man' and 'the younger man'? Not cool.

Ok, lets see if I can get better reviews here, because the people at ff.net are not reviewing this at all. I wonder if it's just that good or just that bad. LOL. Let me know either way.


That will NOT make me want to read your fic. It just makes me want to run away in the opposite direction.

Having watched a friend play through some of Castlevania: Lament of Innocence (I believe that's the right one; there are so many Castlevania games it's making me dizzy), I got a hankering for slash fic.

A semi-long and crimson tongue appeared and traced Leon’s jawbone

It took me a good minute and a half to realize that was Walter's tongue you were talking about. I thought there was some random monster appearing out of nowhere to join in molesting Leon. Not that I have any problems with that beyond the usual "WARN, DAMMIT!"

Okay, this is probably gonna be YMMV and I'll probably get people saying, "I have no problem with this," but I hope I'm not alone. I get really annoyed when somebody posts a fic that's s'posed to be part of the author's larger "'verse" and doesn't link to any of the other fics that might give readers the context of what's going on.  For some reason, this seems to happen a lot in crossover comms.  Guess what, authors?  We're not Professor X or Matt Parkman or any other telepath, so you gotta give us an overview or link us to past fics!  Do a master post!  I've seen lots of other people do it, but there are also a bunch of people who don't, and when they don't, I think it looks like they don't want to draw new readers, but keep it as an inside joke with their five regular readers. 

( Some Supernatural examples. What IS it with that fandom? )

Edited because everything somehow ended up in a Giant Paragraph of Doom.

Dear FS/N author,

I see that you were trying to improve my reading experience. Awesome, and thank you for the consideration. However, something makes me think that you haven't really thought this gimmick through.

You see, you decided to give your fanfic a soundtrack.

...Yes, I know that sounds fine on paper, if a little pretentious, but allow me to illustrate how this works in execution.

( Slightly long post be slightly long, folks )

The moral of the story? Fanfics should not have soundtracks